Also I thought you had an overwhelming amount of bugs? Have they all be nom'd? I shall endeavor to be more detailed this time to ensure the backlog is full xD ____ Random thought: skylines.wikia.com/wiki/Chirper or coincidence? Seems like a first thought alt to twitter. ____ Line (near beginning): "Having convinced myself that all of this was real and not ............grin on my face." I like to write run ons and fail to notice them as well. I can tell this sentence is a run on as it contains 3 lines of text in one sentence. I paid more attention to the sentence since it felt awkward due to the run on nature. ____ Natsuki: "yahoo (near beginning....uh...is there a way to get line numbers to show up on screen for debugging)" -> for some reason I have the funny memory that similar line before used a different graphic to represent this. idk, maybe memory is failing me at 2AM. Just a random feeling, not something needing a change. Seems like a new graphic. If it is a new graphic, for some reason I don't feel like it matches the playful nature of her character/the scene very well. It looks like she's shouting not in a happy way but in a 'I want to be loud since you can't hear me/frustrated' way. Edit: okay this graphic matches up with the text that followed after. I misread the mood of the discussion when this text first came up. Didn't see it was supposed to be sardonic/sarcastic. ____ Aki: "After all, it's only a matter of time until Julie screws up and gets caught in a sex scandal" -> iirc there's an existing pose of Aki looking all devious/planning which I feel would be more apt. Her current pose isn't bad either and fits with the dialogue spoken by her after this line. Minor polish. ____ Sasami: "Eh, Mariya really cares about the unit, doesn't she" this reads like a 4th wall breaking line of text as sasami is talking to mariya in this scene. Not sure if intended. Nearby lines use 'you' and other direct pronouns. ____ Producer: "safely warm under in the familiar comforter of our old ways". Here the text reads odd as well since it's partially a run on and there are some flow problems. Previous line to this had a run on also.
Example removal of unnecessary words to make the sentence flow better. "Indeed, fFor many centuries, the grand old nation of Nippon closed its doors to all but the Dutch, safely warm in the familiar comforter of our old ways."
The next section "But on the other side, the people wanted, longed for stimulation" doesn't flow well thanks to the bold section. The comma feels as if some though was left out. Adding a single word like "wanted-nay, longed-" or removing wanted would work.
The sentence after suffers from lack of information as well. "The familiar [what?], while safe and reliable, was overwhelmingly boring". Are we referring to the previous section, where we talked about historic Nippon? If so, why would they have longed/wanted for stimulation if it was just mentioned they preferred to be safe in the comfort of old ways? Is this section perhaps referring to an untapped/fulfilled AND unrecognized curiosity of people as mentioned in the line after?
Sentence after about Perry can use a period to break the run on.
"The point was that timed well, and wrapped in the right PR, selling the new could lead to a mountain of fortune greater than anyone could imagine". "selling the new"?....too ambiguous, more buzzwordy than buzzwords. How do you even define that.
This entire section reads poorly, runs on, and really can use a edit. There's clearer ways to say 'people are interested in things that are fresh, new, and exciting'. The historical digression isn't even necessary here since I don't feel it added anything to the almost universal statement on curiosity. Unless the section was supposed to mean 'people are interested in other cultures' which drives sales. Wasn't very clear overall. _____ Another random thought: I just noticed the attention to detail the artists paid to the eyes with regards to coloring the highlights/shades/etc. Suppose I glossed over it before _____ I feel like in some (only 1-2) of the new art (the poses not CGs) Julie's head is too large relative to her body. Now I know anime tends to have incorrect body proportions and the other characters do as well. However even with the skewed body proportions the size of the head is still slightly too large compared to other characters. Maybe it's the volume of her hair distortion my impression? The other thought is either the starnova blazer/uniform/thingy whatever it's called she wears or the pose is supposed to have her leaning forwards. If you cover up the lower part of the image in the problematic images her head scale seems fine. If she's supposed to be leaning forwards I think the visible amount of her in some resolutions might not make it clear enough she's leaning forwards. ____ Nemu has been oddly entertaining through this route by being herself. _____ So....Konosuba references all around eh? _____ Stabbing: It's a good thing it's in Japan and not the US where it'd be a shooting. _____ The decision: lol why even have this decision. _____ I see the subliminal Nattan poster messages Magpie. _____ Where did the breakfast go? _____ Aki speaks so many truths about the cast. _____ I like how this route fills in details about the development of starnova itself in addition to resolving Julie's character growth _____ Are there VOs planned for the other characters? I noticed the credits has many in game characters with only their name. I think you gave things away xD _____ In general the route went somewhat as expected but there were pleasant surprises along the way. Aside from the one section I detailed in depth everything felt pretty good.
This is my first post. I will begin by saying that I missed out on Nemunemu and Mariya. Loved Mika's route. (By the name, you can probably guess who I have an affinity towards) Anyway, to the topic at hand.
I enjoyed Julie's route. I can't say that she was one of my favorites during the common route. Her attitude in the beginning of her route also turned me off. But it was nice seeing her mature and gain strength from beginning to end. Whereas Mika stayed the same other than gaining confidence (if you go the good route that is), Julie is a totally different person at the end. She went from being very fragile mentally to a leader. Mr. Producer and the other six really shined through in forging her into a proper idol. Oh, and cannot forget the unheralded hero Kyosuke either! The criticisms I have is that I would have liked more information on what happened after the Budokan Live. All we get is Julie dying her hair back to its natural color, her visiting her mom, and a vague statement about how she became the greatest idol. Did that mean Starnova overtook Quasar? Mika's route went into detail about what happened with Starnova up to a few years later until her retirement and I would have liked to see more. Also, it's only hinted, but did Julie's dad abuse Julie and her mom? I know this is a lighthearted project so maybe the writers didn't want to dwell on that too much. Lastly, decisions! The only one seems innocuous, but has major implications which is fine. It would have been good to see at least one more. Perhaps put in a decision after Julie falls at the Budokan Live. Decision A: I must go out there and save her. Decision B: I must let her find her own way to defeat her fear. It shouldn't take too much more extra writing to detail what happens with the wrong decision.
We'd like to keep feedback focused on feedback/issues in Julie's route rather than the common route for now, this is because we have a project build of this route that is not used in the betas but which is more up to date with fixes (for which this was one of things corrected). That said you have reminded me that I hadn't marked it as done in my tracking spreadsheet so I'll do that now, thanks.
Gonna help magpie out a little here. In regards to the lamb of starnova (Sasami) referring to Mariya in third person rather than first. That is a common practice in Japan, well anime and game wise. Also I don't think sasami was particularly speaking to Mariya in this case but rather stating her opinions of her.
Also in regards to Julie falling on the stage and the choice of choosing to help her or not. That would ultimately take away from Julie's development and the story that Julie needs to get back on her own feet by herself, as (as hard this sounds) she was the cause of the string of events that unfolded. You don't want to create the impression upon her and the others that you're always going to save her.
That aside. That uhh S&M scene was unexpected. Never would've expected that to unfold from being reprimanded for going into a love hotel with an underage boy. Gotta say Julie's route definitely caused more feels for me than Mariya's route. Makes me look forward to akis route even more.
P.S itd be nice if Julie's route didn't end on a cliffhanger in regards to the kamio matter
kalwinters: Is Sunrider-vn.com coming back up again sometime? I wanted to look through the old lore posts describing the state of the galaxy, unless someone knows if they're posted somewhere else.
Apr 22, 2020 14:28:30 GMT -8