First
What show is that from?
Also I thought you had an overwhelming amount of bugs? Have they all be nom'd? I shall endeavor to be more detailed this time to ensure the backlog is full xD
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Random thought:
skylines.wikia.com/wiki/Chirper or coincidence? Seems like a first thought alt to twitter.
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Line (near beginning): "Having convinced myself that all of this was real and not ............grin on my face." I like to write run ons and fail to notice them as well. I can tell this sentence is a run on as it contains 3 lines of text in one sentence. I paid more attention to the sentence since it felt awkward due to the run on nature.
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Natsuki: "yahoo (near beginning....uh...is there a way to get line numbers to show up on screen for debugging)" -> for some reason I have the funny memory that similar line before used a different graphic to represent this. idk, maybe memory is failing me at 2AM. Just a random feeling, not something needing a change. Seems like a new graphic. If it is a new graphic, for some reason I don't feel like it matches the playful nature of her character/the scene very well. It looks like she's shouting not in a happy way but in a 'I want to be loud since you can't hear me/frustrated' way. Edit: okay this graphic matches up with the text that followed after. I misread the mood of the discussion when this text first came up. Didn't see it was supposed to be sardonic/sarcastic.
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Aki: "After all, it's only a matter of time until Julie screws up and gets caught in a sex scandal" -> iirc there's an existing pose of Aki looking all devious/planning which I feel would be more apt. Her current pose isn't bad either and fits with the dialogue spoken by her after this line. Minor polish.
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Sasami: "Eh, Mariya really cares about the unit, doesn't she" this reads like a 4th wall breaking line of text as sasami is talking to mariya in this scene. Not sure if intended. Nearby lines use 'you' and other direct pronouns.
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Producer: "safely warm under in the familiar comforter of our old ways". Here the text reads odd as well since it's partially a run on and there are some flow problems. Previous line to this had a run on also.
Example removal of unnecessary words to make the sentence flow better.
"
Indeed, fFor many centuries,
the grand old nation of Nippon closed its doors to all but the Dutch, safe
ly warm in the
familiar comfort
er of our old ways."
The next section "But on the other side, the people
wanted, longed for stimulation" doesn't flow well thanks to the bold section. The comma feels as if some though was left out. Adding a single word like "wanted-nay, longed-" or removing wanted would work.
The sentence after suffers from lack of information as well. "The familiar [what?], while safe and reliable, was overwhelmingly boring". Are we referring to the previous section, where we talked about historic Nippon? If so, why would they have longed/wanted for stimulation if it was just mentioned they preferred to be safe in the comfort of old ways? Is this section perhaps referring to an untapped/fulfilled AND unrecognized curiosity of people as mentioned in the line after?
Sentence after about Perry can use a period to break the run on.
"The point was that timed well, and wrapped in the right PR,
selling the new could lead to a mountain of fortune greater than anyone could imagine". "selling the new"?....too ambiguous, more buzzwordy than buzzwords. How do you even define that.
This entire section reads poorly, runs on, and really can use a edit. There's clearer ways to say 'people are interested in things that are fresh, new, and exciting'. The historical digression isn't even necessary here since I don't feel it added anything to the almost universal statement on curiosity. Unless the section was supposed to mean 'people are interested in other cultures' which drives sales. Wasn't very clear overall.
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Another random thought: I just noticed the attention to detail the artists paid to the eyes with regards to coloring the highlights/shades/etc. Suppose I glossed over it before
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I feel like in some (only 1-2) of the new art (the poses not CGs) Julie's head is too large relative to her body. Now I know anime tends to have incorrect body proportions and the other characters do as well. However even with the skewed body proportions the size of the head is still slightly too large compared to other characters. Maybe it's the volume of her hair distortion my impression? The other thought is either the starnova blazer/uniform/thingy whatever it's called she wears or the pose is supposed to have her leaning forwards. If you cover up the lower part of the image in the problematic images her head scale seems fine. If she's supposed to be leaning forwards I think the visible amount of her in some resolutions might not make it clear enough she's leaning forwards.
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Nemu has been oddly entertaining through this route by being herself.
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So....Konosuba references all around eh?
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Stabbing: It's a good thing it's in Japan and not the US where it'd be a shooting.
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The decision: lol why even have this decision.
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I see the subliminal Nattan poster messages Magpie.
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Where did the breakfast go?
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Aki speaks so many truths about the cast.
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I like how this route fills in details about the development of starnova itself in addition to resolving Julie's character growth
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Are there VOs planned for the other characters? I noticed the credits has many in game characters with only their name. I think you gave things away xD
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In general the route went somewhat as expected but there were pleasant surprises along the way. Aside from the one section I detailed in depth everything felt pretty good.
Hot singles in your local solar system! 